Saturday, June 13, 2009

Dating: Can You Go Back?

This past week I received a very unexpected phone call from a man from my past. In this article and ones to follow on dating, names will be changed, not only to protect the innocent but also to protect the guilty. It will never be my intention to bad mouth anyone.

Fernando called me after an almost two year absence. The last time we had talked he was on his way to another state. It was nice to hear his voice and to find out he was back in Indianapolis. We had gone out on a few dates in the past. He wanted to go out for drinks and to catch up with one another. I was actually very happy about seeing him again, we had ended on good terms and only because he was moving for family reasons.

I picked him up from his new place. He had asked that I call when I was pulling up in front of the house. He came out to meet me and we then went to a local restaurant/bar. Throughout the evening we never ran out of things to talk about. It really was a very pleasant evening. On the drive back to his home he told me he would like to start dating again. I agreed. When I pulled up to his house, we kissed and made plans for another date.

Here is where it gets interesting/tragic/comedic. For our second date we planned on going to Broad Ripple (an area with lots of shops, bars, restaurants and things to do. We planned on having dinner and then dancing and drinks. I once again went to pick him up because Fernando does not drive. Not a problem for me because I actually enjoy driving. When we got to the restaurant I was embarrassed beyond belief, I had forgotten my wallet. Something I have never done in my life. I immediately wanted to return home and get it. Fernando told me not to worry that he would rather continue the evening and pay for everything, I could pay the next time. What a sweet gesture and so I accepted. Leaving the restaurant I slipped on the curb and twisted my knee, ending the prospect of dancing the night away. Things just were not going well for me this night. Was this some kind of message from the Universe telling me it wasn't meant to be? I do not give in that easily. Fernando suggested we go back to my place and just relax with one another the rest of the night. I asked him "why not your place, it is much closer"? He told me he had a straight roommate that did not know he was gay. YEAH RIGHT!

For those of you that have not been on 100's of dates and have not yet figured out the coded translations for the excuses men give, I will translate for you. A gay man says "I have a straight roommate that does not know that I am gay" : translation "I have a partner and I don't want to get caught with you". The other clues of course being, him always coming out to meet me and not inviting me in. I asked him point blank about this fact and he came clean. Well almost clean, lets just call it less murky. He told me the relationship he was in was over and that he would be moving out on his own again soon. Translation: He was shopping for something new before ending the relationship. I then decided to end the evening by dropping him back at his place.

Men please start learning to have some integrity. If a relationship is not working, either figure out how to make it work and keep going or end it cleanly and move on. Do not start dating someone else while you are still entangled. It is not good for anyone involved. The way I view it: If they will lie to him, they will lie to me; If they will run at trouble with him, they will run when we have trouble; If they will cheat on him, they will cheat on me. This is not the type of person to be and not the type of person anyone should want to be with.

On my drive home contemplating the evening while my knee was throbbing, I came to the conclusion that I should pay more attention to the signs and be more cautious. The Universe punishes those who do not pay attention. Luckily this time it was only a hurt knee and disappointment. I will remain hopeful, but it looks like the old saying is true. There is no going back!

I am back!

I made a commitment to myself to start a blog. I did this so that I would force myself to write daily. Life, as it always does, threw me some curve balls, and I failed to keep up the blogging. When at first you don't succeed, try try again. There is no failure until the time when you decide to stop trying. So, here I am again to make my attempt.