The Right to Keep on Trying

I reserve the right to keep on trying until I finally succeed. Today I am once again starting a diet and exercise program. I have done this many times in my life with differing amounts of success. I believe that you can never fail until you finally quit and stop trying. I have battled the weight problem my whole life. I thought I had finally beaten it for good until in late 2005 I became ill and in January I was diagnosed with a major illness. This brought on a depression that has been hounding me for years. With the depression I fell into old eating habits and also the health issues made it difficult to continue my fit lifestyle. Over the last four years I have tried and failed to get back on track. Today is "The Day"! I am once again going to start healthy eating and fitness activity.

I am going to use an eating diary. I know it is tedious and time consuming, but it is also very revealing. It will help me to really think about everything I put into my mouth. My current weight is 305 pounds. I plan to lose 80 pounds over this next year. It is also my intention to go to the fitness center at least 4 times a week and work on the elliptical machine. It is a great fitness machine for those of us with feet and knee problems (no impact).

It is important to both eat right and get regular exercise. I think exercise should be a regular part of everyone's life. It is difficult for many of us because of health issues, but at the same time it is also very good for you and will more than likely improve your life and make it easier to deal with those health issues.

So once again I am going to make the effort. I reserve the right to keep on trying until I finally succeed!

A New Title, New Look, and finally New Post.

It has been quite some time since I posted anything. I am going to vow once again to start making posts on a regular basis. In the process, I hope to learn more about blogging and the internet universe. It is quite daunting to me to start down this road. There is so much to learn and so much to do. Also so many things to try and remember (grammar, punctuation, and spelling).  I decided to start with a new title for my page. Appropriate for me in more ways than just one. My name is Frank, but I am also very frank.

frank (noun) : free in uttering one's real sentiments; not reserved; using no disguise; candid; ingenuous; as, a frank nature, conversation, manner, etc.

I am open minded about life and very unreserved about expressing myself, my opinions, my attitudes and beliefs. I hide behind no disguise, what you see is what you get. So the title for my new blog says it all. Thanks in advance for reading.

Dating: Can You Go Back?

This past week I received a very unexpected phone call from a man from my past. In this article and ones to follow on dating, names will be changed, not only to protect the innocent but also to protect the guilty. It will never be my intention to bad mouth anyone.

Fernando called me after an almost two year absence. The last time we had talked he was on his way to another state. It was nice to hear his voice and to find out he was back in Indianapolis. We had gone out on a few dates in the past. He wanted to go out for drinks and to catch up with one another. I was actually very happy about seeing him again, we had ended on good terms and only because he was moving for family reasons.

I picked him up from his new place. He had asked that I call when I was pulling up in front of the house. He came out to meet me and we then went to a local restaurant/bar. Throughout the evening we never ran out of things to talk about. It really was a very pleasant evening. On the drive back to his home he told me he would like to start dating again. I agreed. When I pulled up to his house, we kissed and made plans for another date.

Here is where it gets interesting/tragic/comedic. For our second date we planned on going to Broad Ripple (an area with lots of shops, bars, restaurants and things to do. We planned on having dinner and then dancing and drinks. I once again went to pick him up because Fernando does not drive. Not a problem for me because I actually enjoy driving. When we got to the restaurant I was embarrassed beyond belief, I had forgotten my wallet. Something I have never done in my life. I immediately wanted to return home and get it. Fernando told me not to worry that he would rather continue the evening and pay for everything, I could pay the next time. What a sweet gesture and so I accepted. Leaving the restaurant I slipped on the curb and twisted my knee, ending the prospect of dancing the night away. Things just were not going well for me this night. Was this some kind of message from the Universe telling me it wasn't meant to be? I do not give in that easily. Fernando suggested we go back to my place and just relax with one another the rest of the night. I asked him "why not your place, it is much closer"? He told me he had a straight roommate that did not know he was gay. YEAH RIGHT!

For those of you that have not been on 100's of dates and have not yet figured out the coded translations for the excuses men give, I will translate for you. A gay man says "I have a straight roommate that does not know that I am gay" : translation "I have a partner and I don't want to get caught with you". The other clues of course being, him always coming out to meet me and not inviting me in. I asked him point blank about this fact and he came clean. Well almost clean, lets just call it less murky. He told me the relationship he was in was over and that he would be moving out on his own again soon. Translation: He was shopping for something new before ending the relationship. I then decided to end the evening by dropping him back at his place.

Men please start learning to have some integrity. If a relationship is not working, either figure out how to make it work and keep going or end it cleanly and move on. Do not start dating someone else while you are still entangled. It is not good for anyone involved. The way I view it: If they will lie to him, they will lie to me; If they will run at trouble with him, they will run when we have trouble; If they will cheat on him, they will cheat on me. This is not the type of person to be and not the type of person anyone should want to be with.

On my drive home contemplating the evening while my knee was throbbing, I came to the conclusion that I should pay more attention to the signs and be more cautious. The Universe punishes those who do not pay attention. Luckily this time it was only a hurt knee and disappointment. I will remain hopeful, but it looks like the old saying is true. There is no going back!

I am back!

I made a commitment to myself to start a blog. I did this so that I would force myself to write daily. Life, as it always does, threw me some curve balls, and I failed to keep up the blogging. When at first you don't succeed, try try again. There is no failure until the time when you decide to stop trying. So, here I am again to make my attempt.

This is the time of Forgiveness!

Many people feel that this time of year is a good time to be forgiving. There is no special time of year that is specially suited to forgiveness. You should practice forgiveness throughout your year and throughout your life! Forgiving someone for some real or imagined infraction against you does more for you than it ever does for them. To forgive someone is to put whatever it may be, into the past. Let go of the negative emotions it elicits in you. Release the anger, frustration, and any other unhappy emotions that it brings out in you. Forgiving someone however does not mean forgetting or making everything return to normal. You can forgive a person for stealing from you, but if they are still stealing, I would not recommend leaving them alone in your house. Forgiving does not mean becoming incautious or stupid. A drug user who has quit drugs for 3 weeks is to be applauded for his efforts and encouraged to continue. You can forgive them for their past transgressions. Do not however think that the behaviour is over or done for good. You do not have to welcome them back into the fold to forgive them. It took them time to destroy the relationship, it will take just as long to put things right. Too many people want immediate gratification. It takes time to heal. It takes time to build or rebuild trust. Be forgiving and let the negative emotions leave your life and end your frustration. Be smart and be cautious though by not enabling future bad behaviour and protect yourself from future problems with them. Do not be so hopeful that you allow them back into your life too quickly, they must earn that. That is not part of forgiving. Forgiving means letting it go, but not forgetting about it and not permitting it to happen again.

Happy Holidays?

"Better late than never!" Is that true, do you think? For me I am a believer in that phrase in all facets of life! It is never too late for you to do anything you really want to do. Just put your mind to it and you can accomplish anything.

Today I am talking about the Christmas Spirit. I was a bit down in the dumps about the holiday's this year. It seems like life was getting to me. My car broke down and who knows what it is going to cost to repair. I ended a very bad relationship, which is both good and bad. I miss seeing him, but I do not miss the anxiety, depression, stress and problems he managed to bring out in me. I have had nothing but emotional and financial problems for the last couple of months. It makes it very hard to get into the spirit of the holidays when your life seems to be crumbling about you.

"Better late than never!" I took that to heart this morning and just decided to get up and dust myself off. Stop feeling sorry for myself. Stop worrying that I do not have money to spend on my family. Today I started thinking of ways I can make the holidays better and happy for myself and those around me. I started cleaning the kitchen really thoroughly preparing to make some holiday cookies. That is a cheap and easy way to spread cheer. I am going to make my famous raspberry cookies, some chocolate chip, sugar, peanut butter, and some pineapple cookies. I figure I will buy some of those cheap aluminum throw away pans from the store and make up cookie packages for the people on my list. Tomorrow I will post the recipes for the raspberry and the pineapple cookies to share them with the world wide web.

"Better late than never!" Remember this when you are thinking, I am too old, it is silly of me to want, I could not learn that now, or any other excuse you want to make. It is never to late to start trying to make your life what you want it to be. Just decide to do something and then take steps to make it happen. It can happen. You can do it!

Happy holidays to all. I hope those of you who get the cookies enjoy them!

The Holidays!

Like many divorced fathers, the holidays can be both times of sadness as well as times of happiness. I am looking forward to seeing my daughters who are all grown and the two oldest are married as well. I know that they love me and care for me as I also love and care for them. However it can be both frustrating and depressing to try and get time with them. They now have there husbands or boyfriends families to fit in as well as their mother and her family. I really do understand that these things come first to them. It can however be hard sometimes to realize that you are the last one on the list. It is so hectic for everyone at this time of year. I do feel great that they love me and make time for me. It is though hard sometimes to muster the holiday spirit when you are alone. I was used to preparing and hosting the big family dinners for many years, now it is a miracle to get two of them at my house at the same time. I know that I am a lucky man that I have such a good relationship with them. I know there are many parents that are estranged and do not get to see their children at all. I keep this in mind whenever I feel like I am the last on the list. I remember the old story about the many who was sad because he had no shoes until he met the man with no feet.